Strange Kind of Love
by little hecate
Summary: Draco laments upon his father, his abuses, and the one unconventional person who can mend the broken. Slash- mild, but there nonetheless
1. Default Chapter

Note: yes, as inspired by the song of the same name by that god (*sigh*), Peter Murphy  
  
Warnings: Slash, that is, two guys digging each other. Don't like it, Then don't read it! Flamers serve as nothing more than cheap humour.   
  
Disclaimers: Alas! Those lovely creatures are not and never will be mine! (damnit!) They belong to one Miss J.K. Rowling, however the plot (or lacktherof) is all mine.  
  
Pairing: HP/DM and in later chapters, a mystery guest!  
  
A Strange Kind of Love  
  
  
It started innocently enough, as most torrid affairs do. I had made a less than desirable first impression at Madame Malkin's. And then I started a silly little feud on the train to Hogwarts. So I perpetuated it over the course of almost six years, we all make mistakes. Now that I look back on what happened, I realize that all of my hatred stemmed from misunderstanding. Not that I made all that many efforts to understand. Most of this I can only attribute to Lucius's up-bringing. It may sound cheap, but you might think differently if you were raised to believe the exact opposite of what you truly knew was right. Moreover, I was raised to do things that I knew were wrong. Here comes my admission of childish behaviour: I hated Harry because he was a better Seeker than I; he was loved and infallible where I was not with the staff and everyone around him. So I hated him.   
  
We had just arrived at Hogwarts to start our sixth year when I started to see Harry Potter for what he truly was. What it was that brought on my sudden change of heart, I'm not honestly sure. It may have been partly to spite Lucius. Partly to spite myself and my miserable existence. But in the end it was completely because it was Harry. But I'm getting ahead of myself. It is a little difficult choosing a starting point to this story because I'm still not sure when it did.  
  
Okay, I will start at the Beginning of Year feast. I had been sitting at the Slytherin table, poking at my food. I wasn't hungry, and even if I were it would take me weeks to eat regularly. This was how it was at the beginning of every year. I had spent most of my summer holiday locked in Lucius's favourite cell. Whenever I overstepped a boundary I did not know existed or said something that was all of a sudden taboo I was rewarded with a generous term of servicing his friends. I wasn't fed unless my mother snuck down to me while Lucius was away. He must have known, otherwise I would have died. She was always his weak point, bless her. Though why she married the man, I will never know. Suddenly, I was drawn back to Earth by the hair on the back of my neck standing on end. Quickly, I glanced around, and noticed that Harry was staring at me. All I seemed capable of doing was staring back. He turned away. What was that feeling in my chest? 'You're going batty, Draco. Harry doesn't want you. He could never want you. And you deserve what you're feeling for being the sick sod that you are.' Still....  
  
It was quite possibly the longest week of my life. Sleep had been evading me quite skillfully. When I did sleep, it was plagued with nightmares of Lucius and his friends. All I have ever wanted was to get away from that man. Still, he was my father. This was not a comforting thought, somehow in light of the horrible things he made me do. The fact that I was steadily losing weight was becoming increasingly harder to conceal. Every time I sat down to do my homework, my mind kept wandering. But it was almost over, all I had to do was get through Double Potions with the Gryffindors. I arrived late to class, 'Thank you, Snape, for liking me.' The only open spot was next to Harry, so I sat down and started taking notes. Weasley and Granger seemed to have been spatting with Harry, judging from the way they were throwing fierce glares at him. The thought didn't give me the usual amusement that took over when someone put Harry down.  
  
We had started to work silently. Harry was adding ingredients to the cauldron as I stirred. Falling into the motion of stirring the bubbling potion, my mind went blank.  
  
"Malfoy?" I shuddered with the abrupt interruption. I looked up to see Harry looking at me with... Concern? Sympathy? No, maybe nothing that strong, but definitely along those lines. 'My God, I have never seen eyes so green on anyone in my life.' A song by a Muggle musician suddenly came to mind.  
  
A strange kind of love  
A strange kind of feeling  
Swims through your eyes  
And like the doors  
To a wide vast dominion  
They open to your prize  
  
My mother loved Muggle music, much to the disappointment and disapproval of Lucius. That was one thing I can never thank my mother enough for: the love of music. In all the songs I have heard from wizards and witches nothing so accurately said what I felt as a song written by a Muggle.   
  
"Are you all right? You don't look so good," he said, a little apprehensively.  
  
"Fine. Just feeling a little under the weather," I lied.  
  
"Maybe you should go see Madame Pomfrey." He was concerned. I could have burst into tears at that moment. For all the unforgivable things Lucius did to me, and all the unforgivable things I in turn did to Harry... And he was showing genuine concern. That he could put the last five years of torment and abuse behind him because I was overly tired. Concern for me. The only other human being who ever showed concern for me was my mother. And here was noble Harry Potter asking his nemesis if he was okay.  
  
"Harry, I..." I broke off. I couldn't have continued if I had wanted to. He just sat there and looked at me as though his heart were breaking too.  
  
"It's okay," he whispered. 'If only you knew.' Then he would have known just how not okay it all really was. But that look in his face somehow reassured me that he knew exactly how I felt. That thought actually gave me some kind of strength. Strange. Without my enemy showing me kindness, I might not have made it through the rest of the year, let alone that Potions class. He gave me a reassuring kind of smile.  
  
"The potion needs to simmer for a few more minutes, un-agitated," he explained. I nodded. My notes were amazingly complete for me having no recollection of taking them all. Then I noticed that not all of the handwriting was mine. Harry had finished my notes for me! I was absolutely stunned. He must have noticed when I looked up at him. He grinned sheepishly.  
  
"Sorry, but I thought you might want the rest of the notes to study later on when you're feeling better."  
  
"Sorry? Thank you, Harry, I- I'm- Thank you." 'Blundering fool.' Of all the times to choke, now was not the time I wanted to do it.  
  
"You're welcome," he laughed. Honestly, genuinely laughed. A smile involuntarily came to me. Then we made eye contact. The most uncomfortable silence ensued. Boundaries had been overstepped. 'Oh, no.' It was all I could do not to hyperventilate right then and there. 'Calm down, Draco. Nothing is going to happen to you. Harry Potter is not going to lock you up and rape you.' The thought made me almost want to laugh. A sense of calm started to come over me.  
  
"Are you sure you're okay?"  
  
All I could do was nod and offer a forced smile. This didn't seem to convince him, but it was enough to let him drop the matter. We were finishing up when Snape started to walk around. As he approached, I noticed Harry tense. This was an alien reaction to me, since I had never had any reason to fear the man. Nobody really had cause to fear Snape like Harry did, though. He peered into our cauldron and a surprised look crossed his face.  
  
"Well done, Malfoy, Potter. You were one of two pairs to get the potion right. You may go." We gathered our things and left, Harry a little ahead of me. He was heading toward the stairs, on his way to the Gryffindor common room. For a split second, I was almost ready to catch him up. 'And then what?' Good question. He turned. He didn't look in the slightest ruffled to catch me staring so blatantly at him. He just gave me another one of his encouraging smiles and continued on his way.  
  
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That night was the first I slept through with no dreams. It was such a welcome reprieve from the hell at home. I woke up Saturday morning feeling better than I had in months. 'Thank you, Harry.' Was Harry Potter the reason I slept through the night, un-tormented by nightmares of my father? Whether or not he was directly responsible wasn't significant. I knew that he was responsible in some way or other.  
  
Harry had been giving me those same encouraging smiles all weekend, and I found myself returning them. For the first time since I started at Hogwarts I didn't feel totally alone. Now, I don't care who you are, Crabbe and Goyle are not friends by any stretch of the word. They were bodyguards and partners in crime. And I loathed them. All by myself, though, I was nothing more than a whiny little rich kid. Not a soul knew about Lucius and what he did to me. There was no one to confide in. Slytherin was composed completely of people who kept themselves to themselves. Which does have it's advantages. However, we are all human, and we all need love and affection. Harry had given those things to me. Only in a covert way. Only in a way that he and I understood.  
  
My unspoken love for Harry was becoming harder for me to conceal from him. He often caught me staring at him in Potions or Care of Magical Creatures. Much to my relief, he was never flustered, he just smiled at me. As amazing as my will power can be, it always eventually gives out. I was limiting myself to merely watching Harry. As the days wore on, that limit was becoming strained.  
  
Some time after Harry and I had our first conversation, Snape paired us in Potions. I had been hoping for this, but it hadn't come yet. Snape kept pairing Harry with Longbottom. Avoiding accidents, I can only assume. Much as I'm sure Snape would like to deny it, Harry has some way of keeping things together. He was the only thing that kept me going for the last few weeks. Mmm, I would like to tell Snape that. Just for Harry. Harry. Harry was sitting next to me all of a sudden. I started when I realized he was there.  
  
"All right, Malfoy?"  
  
"Yes, how long have you been sitting there?"  
  
"Not long. Shall we get started, then?" And he began to brew our potion. He was explaining everything that he was doing. 'Thank you, I never would have caught all that.' He seemed to know that things were not all right at the moment and took great care with me. Over the past year or so, Harry had become exceptional at Potions. 'Spiting Snape, I imagine.' As the potion was brewing, I was taking notes from Harry's.  
  
"So are you going to explain your despondent behaviour or do I have to force it out of you?" Harry asked suddenly.  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"I'm going to be totally honest with you, Malfoy. I've seen the way you've been moping about and you've even taken to being polite to me. What the hell is wrong?" I was aghast.  
  
"Did you just ask me why I've been upset?" This wasn't happening. I could not believe my luck. Harry was talking to me. Again.  
  
"Yes, I did. Am I speaking clearly, you look rather confused."  
  
"Um, yeah, I just wasn't sure that I was hearing correctly."  
  
"Yes, you are hearing me correctly."  
  
"I see." I was in panic mode. What was I supposed to say? I couldn't tell him the truth.  
  
"Look, if you don't want to talk to me, fine. But you'd better talk to someone. The bags under your eyes are getting worse every day. You are getting unnaturally thin. You have got to do something before you waste away into nothing." There was almost panic in his voice. 'Well, of course, you stupid git. Do you have any idea what that boy must have gone through to get his bollocks up to say what he just said to you?' And then I wanted to cry. He sighed and looked reprovingly at me.  
  
"Harry, I'm sorry I've been such a horrible wanker and I'm sorry I've been the way I've been to you and..." He sat there looking stunned for a moment. He regained himself quickly. 'Oh, what grace he moves with.'  
  
"And you're going to explain yourself."  
  
"Not here," I was panicking again.  
  
"Fine. Where?" He wasn't going to give up. Bless him.  
  
"I don't know." I couldn't think of anywhere. It had been so long since I had roamed the castle, looking for deserted places to catch a quick snog.  
  
"The unused classroom in the Astronomy Tower. You know where that is, right?" I nodded. "Good. Meet me there after Quidditch practice."  
  
"Why so concerned?" The question was involuntary. Harry looked thoughtful for a moment.  
  
"I'm not sure." I couldn't help myself. I grinned at him. The first genuine display of some feeling other than despair or panic in months. He gave me the same encouraging smile. We were dismissed and we went our separate ways.  
  
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Waiting there in the unused classroom, I started to ask myself why I was there. Why had Harry asked me to meet him? And what did I hope to achieve in telling him the sordid little details of my life? What was I looking for in Harry? What was he looking for in me? How would he react if I were to tell him the truth?  
  
"Hi there." I started at Harry's sudden interruption. He was standing against the door, smiling. At me.  
  
"Hullo."  
  
"Did I startle you?"  
  
"A little. I've been rather jumpy lately." There was no pride for me to hurt in telling Harry the truth. And it was coming out even as we were sitting there. It was already coming out. I felt that familiar panic rise in my chest. It threatened to take me under. It was all I could do to keep myself composed and under control.  
  
"I've noticed." He sat next to me on the old desk. He looked at me and I was again reminded of that Muggle song.  
  
This is no terror ground  
Or place for the rage  
  
Quite a confused combination of things was running round through my brain. The beauty of the boy beside me, the horror of my father's abuse, my mother, and that song. The concern in Harry's face, the exhaustion in my body, the pain in my soul, and that song. Harry had his arms around me and I was sobbing into them. It had been years since I had allowed myself to cry. It was better if I didn't cry. Crying made Lucius happy. So I cried harder. And Harry just held me tighter, so I cried harder. After a moment, it subsided. I wiped my face on my robe and looked up at Harry. It was heartbreaking, the look on his face. It sent a fresh wave of emotion over me. Sobbing like that against Harry Potter... if it could have happened, I would have died right there in his arms. At least then I would have died happy. I had to get control of myself. Sitting up and facing Harry was almost impossible.  
  
"Draco?" He used my name! "No please don't start crying again." I looked up and saw that his face was streaked with tears.  
  
"What?" I asked as I wiped his face.  
  
"What on Earth did this to you? This is absolutely unbearable, seeing you like this." Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I did the completely useless thing and started crying again. How could I help it? More beautiful than anything I had ever seen was Harry sitting there, telling me that my misery was unbearable. The boy I had inflicted more misery on than any other creature in my entire life was holding me. Worthless was the only word I think in reference to myself.  
  
"I'm sorry I'm such a worthless sod. You shouldn't be here. You should be happy. I'm sorry I'm such a worthless excuse for a human being." Past the point-of-no-return. It was coming out now. "You're wonderful, you know? You deserve better than this, you always have. Why are you sitting here with me? Why do you care? You should be worrying about yourself, Harry, not some stupid git like me. You should be kicking me for all the things I've done to you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Harry." He was just holding me. And it broke my heart.  
  
"Draco, stop this. Honestly, we all make mistakes, it's okay." He wasn't helping. Fucker had to be so bloody wonderful. He couldn't let me rot. No, that would take something that Harry doesn't have. Something Harry never had and never will have. Which was why I was breaking. A better person than me by far.  
  
"You don't understand. I've been horrible to you because I'm a stupid, selfish slime. I love you and that's why I tried to hate you. I tried to hate you because I wanted to make my father happy. All I wanted was for him to love me." Like I said, past the point-of-no-return. "All I've ever wanted was to be loved. But I don't deserve it. I deserve feeling this way. I asked for it." At this point Harry shook me. Stunned, I looked up at him. I've always had a sore spot for Harry when he was like that. Looking like a hurt child. Looking pained.  
  
"Stop this right now. Look, I don't know what anyone could have done to deserve feeling the way you are obviously feeling right now, but I can assure you you aren't that bad. So we've had our problems, so what? You can't run around, trying to waste away and not expect anyone not to notice. You've been like this since school started. It will stop, is that clear?" He was so forceful, he made me flinch. This only had the effect I had been secretly hoping for. He pulled me to him so tightly that I almost couldn't breathe.  
  
"My parents are dead. I live with the worst Muggles ever to walk the face of the Earth. My two best friends hate me because I've been concerned about you. I know how you feel." Motherfucker had to be so bloody wonderful.  
  
"Harry, I'm so sorry."  
  
"No more apologies." He kissed me very lightly on my forehead, bringing on a fresh wave of tears.  
  
"Mother fucker," I whispered. "Why do you have to be so bloody wonderful?"  
  



	2. Harry Saves the Day

Body Disclaimers and Warnings: refer to the first part, please

Note: that mystery guest I had mentioned? look for them in the next, i've decided to take this in a different direction than I first thought...

Strange Kind of Love

I laughed. In light of all the strange things that happened already, this was almost more than I could stand. "So bloody wonderful? No one has ever called me so bloody wonderful before."

"How does it feel?" Such pain and misery in his voice.

"Actually, it's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me." And it was. This whole event was one of the nicest things that had ever happened to me. Never in a million years did I expect to be comforting Draco Malfoy. Yet, somehow, it seemed that it was the right thing to do. In all honesty, it was all I could do. He had been so miserable since we had come back. Not in all the time that I had known Draco Malfoy had I ever seen him even remotely like he was now. I rather stunned myself when I had confronted him in Potions. Ron and Hermione were angry at me for being concerned about him. In a way, I couldn't blame them. This was the boy who had caused us so much misery over the last five years. And here I was, holding him to me. I know it makes no sense. But there are times one has to swallow their pride for the better of others.

But I think I may just be spouting random thoughts at the moment. Please allow me just a moment to explain how it was that I wound up in that un-used classroom with Draco Malfoy. I had noticed when we had arrived at Hogwarts at the beginning of the year how emaciated and tired Draco looked. The thing that really startled me, however, was his lack of biting remarks. He hadn't gone out of his way to be kind, but he was certainly keeping more to himself than he ever had before. That first Potions class I got a close look at how sick he really was. By that point, Hermione and Ron were already angry at me for my concern for Draco. He may have been a bad person to me up to that point, but he was a person, nonetheless. Over the next few weeks I caught him staring at me quite frequently. On the outside, his demeanor towards me seemed to have remained the same. Lacking, of course, the usual insults. He had even started smiling at me. This was starting to really concern me, mostly because this was the same person who had gone out of his way on more than one occasion to point out all the really painful things in my life. My dead parents, my horrible Muggle family, the scar on my face. What other option did I have at that point? I would rather have had him be horrible to me than continue to waste away. So I confronted him, and here we were.

He was looking like he was going to start crying again, and I couldn't bear any more of it. "Draco, calm down, it's all right. No one is here except for you and me. I swear I won't do anything mean to you, just tell me what this is all about."

For a moment, I thought he was going to break down again. But he just took a deep breath and stared at me. "I just don't know how to keep together anymore, Harry. I can't eat. I can't sleep. All I want to do is die. And the only thing that is keeping me from doing that is you and you're the last person I want to hurt." His words were coming out in almost incoherent rushes. "I'm so sorry, Harry. I'm so sorry for all the times I've hurt you and all the times I've hurt your friends. I'm so sorry." And he broke down again.

This entire meeting was so surreal. From the moment I sat down next to him, Draco had been sobbing against me. He was telling me things that were almost impossible for me to believe. He was sorry for all the pain he had caused me? And _Ron_? And _Hermione_? I was what got him through the first month of school? I was what was keeping him from just giving up? This was almost more than I could bear. I know I've never been on the best terms with Draco, but what he was telling me was breaking my heart. No one, not even Draco Malfoy, deserved to be this miserable. Not even Draco Malfoy deserved to die.

"Draco, you will stop this right now." And he did, thank whatever force was working on my side. "You are going to stop crying this instant and tell me where the hell this is all coming from." I mean, I could dig that he had to say what he had to say, but I had to know why.

"Because I realize that I've been horrible to you and you've been absolutely wonderful to me and I just don't know why. You should be kicking me for what I've done. And here I am perpetuating it. You should just give up on whatever brought you here in the first place and go back to your life. Just go and fix it with your friends, just go be happy."

I was in shock. Here was my worst enemy telling me to be happy? While he was starving and sobbing like that? And then I started crying. We had misunderstood each other for so long, and it was all remedied after one conversation.

"How do you expect me to go back to my world and leave you here as though nothing has changed?" I demanded.

"Has it changed? Has it really? Why are you even here?"

I had to take my time with that answer. That was a question I had been asking myself since Potions that morning. The next thing I knew, it was all coming out, and it was all totally honest. "I'm here because I have been watching you and you are, without a doubt, not yourself at all. Your appearance is absolutely frightening and I can't stand it any more. I don't care what you did to me in the past, I would take it all over again if you would just get better. I don't know, I guess I just can't stand to see someone so damn alone. I would not wish on my worst enemy on my worst day all the lonliness that I've gone through. Maybe I just never realized it before, how alone you are. All the time I've been wishing that you knew what it was like to be, maybe you would understand. And now..."

"And now you know. And I know and I always did, which is why I feel like the worthless shit that I am. I'm just a coward, and I'm sorry that I took it out on you. I'm sorry for everything. Harry, I'm not looking for absolute forgiveness. I guess I'm just looking for..." and he trailed off. I knew what he couldn't say. Hell, I knew he _couldn't_ say it, not that he _wouldn't_. It was the same thing I had wanted to say since he had collapsed against me.

"You don't have to say it, mate." And before I even knew what I was doing, I had my mouth against his. I had my arms around him like I had never had them around anyone before in my life. And he just melted. Five years of animosity had completely dissolved in that single moment. Five years of mutual pain had ended. The one thing I had desired more than any other was at my fingertips. I had kissed girls before, but it always left so much to be desired. Draco's lips answered my questions. Now I knew why girls left so much to be desired for me. It wasn't just that I wanted to be with men, I wanted to be with Draco. His surrender was more than I could ever have dared to ask for. And here we were after five years of hatred masking desire. 'This isn't real, it can't be.' I pulled back from him. He clung to me and just stared. He looked like a scared rabbit. The fear in his face was breaking me all over again.

"Is this really happening?" he asked.

"It is really happening." I smiled at him. Relief was spreading over his features.

"Tell me that this is for real, and I haven't made a horrible mistake." There was a panicked note in his voice.

"This is for real, it is really happening, and if you've made a mistake, then so have I." Relief again. I couldn't seem to keep myself off of him. Kissing him was like nothing I had ever felt before and nothing that I have felt since. He sparked passions in me I didn't know existed. His face in my hands, his hands on my arms, his lips on mine. It was all coming together.

I don't know how long we sat there together. Forever. Never. Whatever sense of time I once had was thrown out the window. Time didn't matter. All that mattered was that Draco had stopped sobbing and he had felt the same as me. Out of pure habit I looked at my watch. 'Oh my god, have we been here for two and a half hours?' Impossible. The time had flown by.

"Draco?"

He looked up at me and for the first time ever, he looked more fragile than glass. The pain had gone from his face, which was now quite serene. And the serenity of his gaunt features only made him look more fragile. He was so thin, and his eyes were so sad. I thought that if I were to touch him just the wrong way, he would break. Which probably wasn't far from reality, given his current state.

"Much as I hate to say it, it is getting late." I tried to be as gentle as I could. He just looked up at me with watery eyes and nodded.

"I know," he sighed. I helped stand him on his feet. For a moment I thought he was going to fall over. He held onto my shoulder, balancing himself. Suddenly, he threw his arms around me. All I could do was stand there and hold him. That was all I wanted to do. That was all I _ever_ wanted to do. Standing there with him pressed against me, his platinum hair running through my fingers, I could have wept. He was so beautiful and so small and it hurt me so deeply to think that someone had actually destroyed him almost to the point of death. That death was a better option than going back to whatever had done this to him scared me. What _had_ done this to him?

"Thank you," he whispered. And so I held him tighter. For another eternity we stood there holding each other. Our moment had come at last. And it was all so fucking absurd. And it was all so bloody unfair. Why did it have to come from misery? Why couldn't there be just one thing between me and Draco that didn't stem from misery? 'Give it time,' the little voice in my mind said. What else could I do? 'I guess I'll give it time.'

Eventually, Draco stepped back. We walked to the door together where we stood, facing each other.

"Are you going to make it to bed all right?" I asked. He wasn't walking well on his own. I could just see him falling down the stairs to the dungeons and the Slytherin common room. But to my complete and utter shock, he smiled. Genuinely smiled.

"And if I say no?" Was he playing with me? He _was_! The thought made me blush.

"Then I would have to say that it sucks to be you." For a moment I was afraid that I had said the wrong thing.

"I know it's true." No tears, no broken hearts. He just slid his hand into mine and we left.

Most of the way was spent in silence. All of a sudden he stopped. When I looked at him, he smiled at me.

"Thank you, Harry."

"For what?" What on Earth was he thanking me for? I hadn't done anything except let him cry. Listened to what he said, at least to the best of my ability.

"For, well, listening and caring and shaking some sense into me and..."

"And treating you like a decent human being?" I didn't really mean to say it, it just kind of came out.

"You don't understand," he said very simply.

"What don't I understand?"

"That you have done more for me in the last hour than anyone else has my entire life." I was dumbfounded. I was stunned. "You don't understand that you have saved me."

Had I really saved Draco Malfoy? "No, I haven't saved you. I have given you the means to save yourself."

"And that is worth so much more than you will ever know." Never have I been so bold in my life as when I took him in my arms right there and just kissed him. Being discreet wasn't in the front of my mind. Any number of people could have seen us. But it didn't matter. Nothing mattered except for me and Draco.

***

Nothing could have prepared me for those next few weeks. I spent most of my time out of classes and Quidditch practice helping Draco. He was worse than I had thought. His starvation was getting so out of hand I took to watching him during meals to make sure that he ate. He wasn't. In the end, I had to feed him myself, long after everyone else had gone. Knowing most of the Hogwarts house-elves came in handy. They would send food up every night at whatever time I told them. And then he was so behind in his classes, I thought it would take all year for him to catch up. He worked as hard as I did, though, which made it all worth while. Unfortunately, that was the easy part.

Then I learned why Draco had suddenly snapped. It was mid-afternoon and, it being a Saturday, the library was quite deserted. He was only one essay away from being completely caught up when I saw him shudder.

"Draco, are you all right?"

His eyes had glazed over and he had started shaking violently. The scared rabbit look was on his face again. Now I was starting to panic.

"Draco?"

No reaction. No reaction whatsoever. I laid a hand on his and he jerked it away. He curled himself up and was staring, though at what, I had no idea. It was official. I was panicked. Not knowing what to do, I sat and watched him. He just sat like that for the better part of an hour. Then he was back. He stretched himself out and went back to reading from the book that he had been staring at for the last forty five minutes as though nothing was wrong. I was shocked. What the hell was going on in his head?

"Draco?"

"Yes?" He had no idea. He had no idea what he had just done. He was utterly perplexed at the look on my face. "Harry, are you all right?" _He_ was asking _me_ if _I_ was all right?

"Me? What about you? Are you all right?"

"Of course I am, why?"

"Look at the clock." He looked and an absolutely horrified look crossed his face. When he looked back at me, it was the frightened rabbit again. He was going to cry again.

"I don't know, Harry, I just don't know." Poor thing had no idea. I held his hand, and he almost broke mine, he was squeezing so hard. "What happened just now?"

"All of a sudden you curled up into a ball and started shaking. What happened? Are you all right?" A few tears leaked from his eyes.

"Harry, there's so much I haven't told you." And he launched into the story of his father and his father's friends. 'This isn't really happening.' 'No, it already _has_ happened.' It was all I could do to sit there and listen to this. Even without the gory details, it was the most horrible thing I have ever listened to in my life. 'Death is too good for him.' What he did to his servant, Dobby, was sweet and kind in comparison to what he did to his own son. Sitting there seemed almost sinful. But what could I have done? Really? So I sat and listened. And when he was through, he looked so ashamed. We sat in silence for a moment.

"So now you know how weak I truly am," he said in little more than a whisper. 

That was it. That was the last straw.

"If you say one more negative word in regards to yourself I will get up from this table and personally kill that man this very moment." He remained silent. Just staring at me with those pale grey eyes and all the shame in the world on his shoulders. Shame that was not his to bear. "The last person I would call weak is you. Lucius is the weak one, and don't you _ever_ believe otherwise."

"Harry?"

"Hmm?" I was staring at the desk, rubbing my temples, trying to rid myself of the pain that was infiltrating every part of my brain. But I had to look at him. What I saw was something I had never seen before in anyone. Ever.  


"I love you." It was so simple. It was so honest. Those three little words and the body they had come from transcended space and time. The library was somewhere else. Lucius didn't exist. A slight smile played across his mouth. Tears were running down my face.

"No one has ever said that to me before." That was it. That was the end. I was sobbing like a little girl. This time it was Draco who held me. 'How can he do that? Comfort me when he's living out hell in his mind?' "I love you, so much, Draco..." Spluttering fool that I was, I couldn't even finish my sentence.

When we were finished crying (he had started too, fuck me) we just sat and stared at each other. Smile. Squeeze of my hand. And I was that sobbing little girl again.

***

Thank you for reviewing me, you all truly made my day and gave me that little boost of confidence I needed! This is the first story I have written at all in the last eight years and thank you for finding it lovely. I do hope this part is up to par? 


	3. A Strange Kind of Thanks

Body Warnings and Disclaimers: please refer back to the first section

Note: here's the part you've been waiting for...

A Strange Kind of Love

After confessing my awful secret to Harry, life actually started to improve. The lack of sexual desire that had come over me was finally starting to dissipate. It was quite an accomplishment for me to no longer flinch at sexual thoughts. Really, flinching at the thought of having sex with your significant other is quite a tough thing to deal with. It wasn't that I didn't want Harry, it was just that I was having trouble thinking in terms of sexual equality. Being used for the better part of one's life is bound to make one a bit batty. Batty is a bit of an understatement, actually. To do what I did to myself, even long after the fact means that I'm just plain fucking crazy.

'I may be plain fucking crazy, but I have wants, too.' Damn it.

So I made up my mind. I was going to steal Harry for a _very_ long time, take him somewhere with a bed (yes, folks, a real live bed!), and shag the hell out of him.

Potions had become something to look forward to. Snape was consistently pairing me with Harry. He was probably thinking he was punishing him, the bloody wanker. Or maybe it was because we worked well together. So well, in fact, that more often than not we were the only ones to get the potions right the first time around. Hmm. Perhaps he was testing us in his own little way.

At any rate, it was at the end of one such class that I decided it was time to make my move. Harry had been giving me my space, noble creature. However, I am quite sure that he was frustrated as hell with me. Now it was time to give something back to the boy that had single-handedly saved my life.

"You know, Harry, I think you may have cured me," I told him.

He raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?"

"Want to find out?"

Priceless. He had the most wonderfully stunned expression on his face. Not that I blame him. After all, it had literally been months since I had been even remotely suggestive. Admittedly, I loved throwing him into a state of shock like that. He was absolutely fucking adorable when he was being scandalized.

"Meet me in the Astronomy Tower after dinner, then."

He just nodded. That being all he could do, given the state I had thrown him in. *Giggle*

I made it there before Harry did, and this fit with my plans perfectly. I needed a little time to set things up properly. After all the time he had spent with me to make me better, I had to make it perfect. And I knew just how to do it.

Finding a bed proved to be much more difficult than I had anticipated. For some reason, the fact that I'm a wizard and that I know how to do magick was escaping me. Finally I wised up and decided that if I couldn't take Harry to bed, I would take a bed to Harry. All the countless hours Harry had been helping me with transfiguration proved to be the answer to my problem. The desk in the unused classroom made a rather lovely nest when I was through. Alas, there was hardly any time to admire my handiwork before Harry was panting at the door.

"You're not allowed to be tired and out of breath yet," I told him.

"I may be out of breath, but I am certainly not tired," he replied, sliding an arm around me. A winning Harry smile. Leaning in, I ran my tongue along his bottom lip, making him smile. Grabbing my opportunity, I slipped my tongue into his mouth. I allowed myself to take my time in playing with him; he always so enjoyed it when pulled my tongue away just as he was about to have it. Harry was fun like that. He always rose to my playful behaviour.

Quite suddenly he pulled away from me. "Wait a sec." He turned away from me and headed toward the door. For a moment I thought he was going to leave. All he did, though, was point his wand at the handle and mutter a few words. The small click that sounded told me that he had locked the door. How I loved him, especially for all the little things. He locked the door, he held my hand, and was he soundproofing the room as well? He was perfect.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked.

"I was just thinking that I am the luckiest human being alive." He blushed. He was so cute standing there with his pink cheeks. I stood admiring him for a moment.

A strange kind of love

A strange kind of feeling

Swims through your eyes

A strange kind of love was definitely swimming through his eyes. Maybe I wasn't the luckiest person alive. No, I was blessed. Blessed more than any other creature dead or alive. That moment lasted a thousand hours but was over all too soon. That's how it always was with Harry. He had the gift of stopping time and then speeding it up to an almost unnatural pace.

Embracing each other we began making love with our mouths. He played with my tongue so beautifully it was living art. He was driving me crazy with the way he was kissing me. No one had ever kissed me like that before and I returned it with all the passion in the world. These were not the short, hurried kisses we had shared for the last few months. These were real, long, slow, honest kisses. The kind of kisses words are too weak to describe. The kind of kisses you always imagine but never seem to become reality. Never did I think that I could ever turn my dreams into realities. That was one of the most priceless gifts Harry had given me. All the world was drowned out and insignificant. I was burning from the inside; a fire that had never before been lit was now blazing. It was as though all the heat from Harry's body was soaking into me through my mouth.

The heat was becoming unbearable. Never taking my lips away from his, we began stripping each other. Unbuttoning his robe was making me harder and hotter than I had ever been.

Running my tongue along his jaw to his ear, kissing down his neck and shoulders, I was making him shiver and moan. Just knowing that I had made Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, moan in ecstasy was almost enough to put me over the edge. Such horrible will power, isn't it?

Our robes lay discarded on the floor at our feet. Harry had wrapped one arm around me while the other was stroking my entire body. His fingers burned trails down my back while his lips burned trails down my front. Had he not been supporting me, I would have fallen to the floor. All I seemed capable of was moaning and gasping.

Overwhelmed, I melted into him as he lay me on the bed. His mouth left mine, exploring my body for the first time. Every flick of his tongue made me shake for every nerve in my body was responding to nothing but Harry. He was driving me up walls I had never even seen before. It is impossible to describe the feeling of being worshipped by Harry Potter. His hands held more magick than a thousand wands and his lips burned with a heat to rival the very sun. Every touch sent a shock of pleasure through me; every kiss was sweetest perfection.

I nearly screamed when he took me into his mouth. Where he learned to give head like that, I will never know. Much to my surprise, he didn't pull away when I put my hands on his head. I didn't want to make him go faster or take me deeper. All I wanted was to feel his hair running through my fingers. If he kept this up much longer, I was going to burst right then and there. Don't get me wrong the idea was lovely. I just didn't want to finish it before it even really started.

I pulled his head up and shoved my tongue down his throat. I wanted to make this last as long as possible. So I decided that it was my turn to worship him. After all, that was why I had asked him here in the first place. Finding a starting point proved to be the most difficult part of the whole affair. Where was I to start when I wanted to touch all of him at once? By default, I just started kissing his neck, as it was the closest to my mouth. My hands were running over his chest and arms as I covered every inch of his face and neck with kisses. Then I covered every inch of his chest, his stomach, his thighs. He was groaning and growing restless. He needed more than just idle touches and soft kisses.

He sat up and I laid back. Much to my own surprise as his, I spread myself open to him. His eyes were burning with a passion and honour I had never seen in anyone before, and haven't seen since. Passion bordering on reverence. That was the magick of the whole thing. That is the magick of love itself. Love transcends physicality, bringing those involved to the same level. Everything in my world was complete. For all the love I gave to Harry, he returned it equally.

As he slid up my body he slid into my body. He didn't hurt me like so many others had done. He was gently moving back and forth, in and out and Oh, God. Ecstasy is a silly little word with no meaning whatsoever. The pleasure that was coursing through every fiber of my being was ecstasy on a whole new level. The way he was stroking my face and the way he played his tongue across my lips was almost more than I could bear.

"I love you, Draco," he whispered. Not out of breath, not strained. Without doubt or pain. Not because it was expected but because it was meant. He wasn't saying it just in the heat of passion, the heat of the moment. He was saying it because he _wanted_ to say it. Just as I had always wanted to hear it. Like I said before: he was _perfect_.

Slowly and passionately we made love to each other with everything that we had: hands, mouths, bodies, and souls. Feeling Harry inside of me was like nothing I had ever felt before. For that all-too-brief session I knew completion. Our bodies fit together like the interlocking pieces of a puzzle. The sweetness of his lips was like nothing I had ever tasted. He produced a kind of honey all his own.

No lover I had previously had ever made love to me. It was always just a quick screw. Before Harry. He changed everything I had ever known. He showed me how to look at everything in perspectives I never even knew existed. I never knew that making love was different from shagging until now. He showed me that it didn't always have to be fevered lust as the driving force behind desire. Although I never looked at Harry as an object of lust. To me he was always a person and it was always love.

When I looked into his eyes I finally understood why that Muggle song kept coming to me. That song was written for and about Harry.

A strange kind of love

A strange kind of feeling

Swims through your eyes

And like the doors

To a wide vast dominion

They open to your prize

What I understood was that the wide, vast dominion and Harry's prize were one in the same. He always looked at me with a strange kind of love swimming through his eyes. In giving me his love, Harry had given me his soul. And I was returning it completely.

Climax was never something I dreaded before. All I wanted was to stay that way with him for ever. The only thing I was living for was Harry's touch, Harry's kiss, Harry inside me making me whole. Unfortunately, we all have a breaking point. Fortunately, we had the same exact breaking point and to the same degree. It was the most intense feeling of pleasure and love mixed together as I had never felt before. Strange. Feeling Harry's seed in me didn't disgust me like all the others did. Harry somehow felt clean and untainted by unholy desires. After all, he was there because he wanted to be there. He was there because he loved me and I loved him and we completed each other. The difference between the others and Harry was that his aim was true.

For the longest time we lay together. He held my face in his hands and kissed me for so long I was sure that I would live the rest of my life in his arms. Nothing existed outside of them. For me, all that existed was Harry.

It was getting rather late when we decided to go. As they say, all good things must come to an end. No, this wasn't an end. This was only a pause. We dressed slowly, kissing the whole time. Harry was in about as much of a rush I was. It took a lot longer to dress than under normal circumstances. Which was fine by me. The more time I had with Harry, the better. Eventually, though, we did have to leave.

"Draco?"

"Yes?"

"What about that," he said, gesturing to the bed.

"Oh, of course." I transfigured it back to the desk it used to be. Shame, really.

We walked in silence. It came time to split all too soon. A few more heated kisses in the shadows.

"Harry, I love you." His face broke into a wide grin. I couldn't help but return it. He kissed me again, then quickly disappeared down the darkened corridor.

As I walked through the dungeons to the Slytherin common room I thought of all the things that had come to pass between Harry and me. Remembering our first meeting in Madame Malkin's made me shudder. To think that I had been such a pompous ass... But that is in the past. He had forgiven me. Harry's capacity for forgiveness never ceased to amaze me, no matter how often he did it. But it wasn't just forgiveness. It was love. A strange kind of love.

*****

Thank you for loving me so. You're all so wonderful. I do hope that this was what you were looking forward to, as you keep telling me to give more. Do you still want more, or should I leave the sap to someone who really does know how to write? 


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